that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
