Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
