I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
