Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
