I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
