Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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