Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
