its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
