I can text with my tongue
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
