so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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