and you said cock pushups were impossible
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
