I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
