Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
40s are totally the cure
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
