How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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