That's when you crack a 10am beer
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
