we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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