The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
