My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
