smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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