The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
