Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
