The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
