I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
