there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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