mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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