flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
