Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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