I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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