i think my tv is drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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