it wasn't lemon gatorade
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
