pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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