I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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