I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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