i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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