'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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