I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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