I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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