brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
