is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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