My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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