I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
