Your face is a jimmy john
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
