Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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