first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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