marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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