omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
NoShamevember. You game?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
