You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize