i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
