Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
