I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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