He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
