This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
