I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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