Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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