I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
