cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mom said you looked used
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
