She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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