Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
