I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
