I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
