Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
