literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
