I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
