walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
