ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
