one two three fourrrrnication!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
