I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
