Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
