I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize