I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
