it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
