It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
