I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
