She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize