you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize