Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are we still banned from the library?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
