she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
