Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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