Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize